Determined?

I'm right now reading The Chosen for the second time. It sits on the bookshelf in my living room. Sunday morning it winked at me so I picked it up with the intent to skim a few pages while waiting for church. I got hooked pretty quick and ended up taking it with me to church and had to fight not to read it during the lulls. I am now giving it the good, thorough second-read excellent books deserve.

You might think I am talking about a guy, but I swear it's just a book.

The story is about two Jewish boys and their friendship (to put it lightly). Last night I read a portion about a period of time when one of the boys, Danny, really needed to talk about some weighty things on his mind with the other, Reuven, but Reuven was too busy with school and illness and student government to take time to have more than a fleeting conversation with him. Because I've read the book already, I can anticipate the later-described struggle that Danny was going through at that time, and know how speaking with Reuven could have relieved some of his burden. This morning I was thinking about it again, and feeling very annoyed with Reuven for not taking the time out of his schedule to give his best friend the conversation he needed. I was feeling frustrated and sad about the situation and its consequences. Maybe you could say I was brooding. Eventually it occurred to me that the story is already written and no amount of feeling I have about the situation is going to change the outcome that I know is coming (I'm aware that another reason I shouldn't stress over this while driving to work on an early morning when I have lots of other things to stew upon is that it's a fictional story. I can't help it--I get into stuff).

So then I wondered if this is true about non-fiction life. I wonder if consequences/outcomes/endings already exist, and therefore worrying about them or thinking about them or planning them is pointless.

Over the past bit of time I've been settling upon an understanding of the importance (and freedom) of releasing expectations of others. This means letting people be who they are and where they are when they are. I've found that when I let people be themselves and accept them for who they are I'm able to love them better. To be clear, I feel that accepting a person for who he/she is can be concurrent to believing in their greatest potential.

I'm getting off the subject. I guess I wonder whether I actually influence outcomes in my life, or if I am just a vehicle for fate.