The unQuiet Mind

 I like that truth can be found through many avenues.  I've read a few books that refer to Buddhism in various ways, and many of the principals interest me greatly.  So, when I noticed that Community Ed was offering a Tibetan Buddhism class, I jumped on it.

The class is taught by a man from Tibet who is likely a wealth of knowledge--except that I can only understand about every fourth word he says.  And, to grasp these fourth words I have to completely focus on every single syllable that he speaks.  No stray thought is allowed a moment's attention.  I can't remember the last time I've forced my brain to be so focused that all inside chatter settles and I only think of what is being said. 

It's exhausting.  I was frustrated during my first class, until I realized that meditation is all about settling your mind and disciplining it to focus.  So, if nothing else, maybe I was learning something.

After talking about a variety of topics, including (I think) reincarnation, the author of the text book, allowing only positive feelings to reside in our hearts, and why some women don't find husbands, the teacher asked the question, "Who is Mormon?" A few people timidly raised their hands as he looked around our circle of 15, and I began to feel...annoyed.  He settled on one particularly bubbly girl for deeper interrogation. 

"You are Mormon?"
"Yep!"
The teacher is surprised she would admit this so readily.
"Are you going to believe in Buddhism?"
"I-I-I think there are elements of God in everything..."
"But are you going to change?"
"...Nooo?  I don't know..." (giggle giggle)
"No?  Then why are you here?"

I spoke up for the first time in 90 minutes and said, "Why does it matter whether anyone in here is a particular religion?"

It reads benign, but a nice sentence can leave a girl's mouth in lots of ways. It didn't come with the curious and open tone with which I intended, being that I was in a class learning about Buddhism.  It was contentious.  I know this because everyone was looking at me in alarm.

It was too late to censure, and I continued, "Why can't we all just be here to learn something about new things?  We don't have to be ready to convert just because we want to learn something."

Everyone in class was probably thinking, This contentious girl is disturbing our peace. And the bubbly girl says to the teacher, voice dripping with apology, "Don't worry. I have a sense of humor."

The teacher answered me in some way, I can't tell you what he said because I couldn't understand it.  For the rest of the class he spoke directly to me and made me repeat random sentences he said. I don't know whether that was punishment or his form of thorough teaching.

I didn't attend the second class, but decided to give it another go for the third.  We started in on a list of scattered topics, including being frugal.  He said there are many ways we waste our lives.  Example: Many women buy lots of makeup to put all over their face, but if they don't get a husband from it they are just wasting their money. 

Oh dear. I'm trying to observe instead of react (like Benjamin Franklin), and so I let it go with a "Hmmph."

The problem is, comments like the one above diminished my confidence in this person as my teacher, and I could no longer muster up the drive to intensely focus on him so I could know what he was saying. As class went on and I had no idea what was going on, I began to realize I was wasting my time and my money, which is what he told me in the very beginning not to do.

A final comment about how the Mormon religion is cheating people by making them pay ten percent settled the matter.  During a lull I grabbed my coat and bag and ran out of the door.  It slammed behind me and echoed in the high school hallway, which I still feel bad about. 

Not every class works out for us.  At least I don't have to sit through this one in drugery in exchange for a grade.  I learned a few things, anway: it really is possible to concentrate on one thing and students are affected by more than just the literal things I teach them. 

The class was worth it.
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