It's Not Hot

these are the things i try not to let myself think while i am walking around in the 109 degree death heat:

"I am going to die."

"I can't breathe."

"My car is sitting in the sun and will be 130 degrees when I get to it, but who cares because I am going to die before then."

"My clothes are sopping wet."

"If I worked at McDonald's, I could be in air conditioning."

"Michael Jackson never had to do something like this."

thought like these, or my internal scheming about what i could go back and say to the huge scary man who yelled at me, only make me cranky.  so i try not to do it.  

but i am sure i will think of the perfect retort tomorrow.

It's like rain on your wedding day...a free ride when you've already paid.

ironic is this:

the day i moved into my apartment as a college freshman i met my across-the-way neighbors, two girls who were quite old.  one was 21 and the other, a returned missionary from Oklahoma, 23.  both single and completely normal.  neither realized the level of her life's despondency.

i thought then that if i got to 21 and was unmarried, i'd be embarrassed and die.  and, by the way SICK!  who goes to Oklahoma on a mission?  that girl should've stayed home.

three years later, as i opened my own mission call to Oklahoma City, my friend Jeff shrugged and voiced a similar sentiment: "you don't have to go, you know."  i knew that my attitude to the old girl across the hall had come back to bite me in the butt.  

to top off the irony of my 18-year-old know-it-all self, i am thirty and unmarried.  and remarkably unembarrassed.

fast forward a few years and a few singles wards:  Edmond, Philadelphia, Denver, Philadelphia again.  around late-April, early-May enter the Bug Boys into the ward dynamics.  they come in packs of 12, twenty minutes late to sacrament meeting souped up in their flashy ties, flip flops and bleached tips.   you know what i'm talking about.  they're halfway through their summer in your ward right now.  awesome.  i've always been, ahem, bugged by these people.

in the typical pride cycle of my life, i am now the Bug Girl.  i'm selling pest control for my cousin's company in Phoenix.  awesome.

this is why it's a good job for me:  i like walking all over the place, i get to wear a skirt, i talk to interesting people all day, i have a basically undeterrable demeanor, i am learning the names of all sorts of Arizona flowers, and i only have to commit to the job for two months.  perfect.  isn't it ironic?  

Yesterday I Drove to Phoenix

the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. which is why i chose to drive on highway 89 to get to Phoenix, where i am living for the summer. it's also an exceptionally pretty route. driving through my entire state in one day, from Cache to Kane County made me appreciate my roots.

i am guilty of only listening to favorites on my iPod, so i tried to get through as many songs as possible on the trip. i made it to track 289. the iPod seemed to favor Cat Power, Griffin House, Dave Matthews, and The Chipmunks. pretty good taste, with some room for improvement.

65 miles an hour doesn't mean much to me. this is because i don't have a working speedometer. this is my lot, as none of my past three vehicles has had one. so, i read my speed by gauging the environment around me. if i am being blown away by semi trucks, i'm going too slow. too fast when the car starts shaking.

i was quite surprised to get pulled over, since there was no shaking. the cop was very amused at my quick document-retrieval skills, and the flower elastic and catholic bracelet in my glove box. he wrote me up for 6 miles over the limit instead of the deserved 20 (not that i could verify the accuracy of this good deed). i think it's cause he liked my music.

ninety-two bucks of thanks, man.

because i'd only gotten a tad over 5 hours of sleep the night before, i was pretty tired. toward the end of the trip i had a solo car dance party to keep myself awake. my brother Myles continued to poke me the last few hours with phone calls and text messages, and Fred decided to drive up and meet me about an hour out of Phoenix to make sure i made it. in the perfect humor of the universe, right as i FINALLY saw the exit i needed, the Hallelujah Chorus took over the dance party.

Hallelujah! now i need to find a place to live.