Social Graces

here in Brazil, the simple kiss given to say hello can be complex. while merely a greeting, there are rules behind it that are important to understand.

i learned this during our first week here in Brasilia. we went to a show at a club with Taiza, whom we'd met at institute. there we met her brother, Erico, who'd taught us Sunday school a few days before, and then all of his friends, who are now ours. in greeting Erico, he kissed us each on one cheek and gave a hug. then we were introduced to the drummer of the band we were there to see. the greeting with him was quite different. at first i just kissed him on one cheek. after that there was this weird awkwardness as this very tall man was obviously doing something different than i was doing. i realized he was going in for the other cheek, but since i was expecting Erico-style, i was confused. so, the tall guy snippet-kissed me on the other cheek, and suddenly people around us were chuckling. i am socially astute enough to at least know i'd left something out, so in effort to not be rude i kissed him back. except somehow it didn't end up being the cute little greeting kiss, but a full fleged kiss (on the cheek). right after that he got a weird look on his face and went immediately over to his girlfriend and grabbed her hand. it was embarrassing. rachel and i seriously laughed in the corner by ourselves for about five minutes. i blame it on the techno blasting in my ear, the strobe light, and the height.

here is a pic of all of us from that night. L-R: the drummer and girlfriend, Gabi, Fernando, Erico, Taiza, Mindu, me, Rach.

so here is what was going on. since i'd already met Erico, his greeting was a one kiss and a hug. upon meeting someone new, the greeting is the two snippet kisses on either cheek. i've noticed that greeting someone's mother also involves the two kisses, no matter how well you already know them. which i like, because moms are always cute.

i really like the kissing-greetings of most of the rest of the world besides the U.S. Cami and i started discussing the issues around this a couple years ago after watching the movie, Keeping the Faith. in it, friends greeted each other with kisses. it was not big deal, and we liked it. Cam served her mission in the Netherlands, so she got accustomed to kissing as well, though there one is greeted with three kisses on alternate cheeks. we decided that even though we liked it, we couldn't really keep up such a custom here, likely because such things seem to freak out Mormon boys. they tend to get the wrong idea about one's intentions when physical interaction occurs. probably because it is just not common enough.

no offense to all of my Mormon guy friends. but you have to admit that i am right.

case in point: one time a friend of mine and i decided we would defy our own cultural customs and kiss-greet each other. this friend served his mission somewhere in South America and is a pretty reasonable, astute person. he basically knows what is meant behind such actions. so, for a while we would give the quick cheek kiss when we'd say good-bye or hello. it was cool. eventually i started dating someone. one night as we were saying bye, my friend stiffened and said, "Uh, do you think the new boyfriend would appreciate it if he knew you were kissing another guy?"

it was then that i realized that ya just can't kiss-greet in the States with out it being taken the wrong way. sigh.

here are some other pics from that night: